I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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