Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
