I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
