wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
