watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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