My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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