I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
