FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
