Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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