I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
