Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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