Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
