flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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