that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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