You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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