I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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