Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
