I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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