I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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