giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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