alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
