OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
