my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
