I think my vagina is haunted
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
