I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just invented taco cereal.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
