i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are my feet made of real feet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
