3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
