I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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