Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
