I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
