I hate all girls vehemently.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
