Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
where does the pee come out of this thing
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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