$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
