just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
