I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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