I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
