i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
