so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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