i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I intend to get homeless drunk
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize