so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
