:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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