i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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