two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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