I want to walk on stilts...naked
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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