My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
