Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
