this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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