one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
BRING THE BAGELS
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
