I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize