I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
