just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
