Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
