So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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