somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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