Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
