worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
