He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
