My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
These tits shall not be calmed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
