I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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