Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
