My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
