If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Still dying that you shit outside
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
